i guess you can say i'm jealous of the new people that i don't know that get to hang out with my friends. i see pictures on myspace and i see my friends hanging out with other people and i'm like, what's so wrong with picking up the phone or sending me a message on myspace to hang out sometime? i have hung out with my best friends only a few times, although it seems like i'm constantly going somehwere with someone.  

this friday i'm going to be hanging out with rachael, andy and his new girlfriend and finch's new girlfriend at the show i suppose. it's not bad. i really wish jory and chris were going to be there. i hope we do something afterwards. but see, when something great happens, i want these good things to continue happening all the time. last summer we went on a trip to lafayette, in. it was the BEST road trip i'd ever taken and i had the most amazing time. i want every show to be like that now and if not i get disappointed. even if i do have a great time. 

but now i just get jealous when i sit at home all day, with no money to hang out with people and i have to save up to by a new camera because mine was stolen, i feel lonely. no one offers to come see me and hang out with me. it's always "whitney drive here, whitney drive there, come out to eat and spend 8 dollars on a burrito"

i can't live like that because as of right now money is tight in my family and i don't have a job yet. which i'm still working on. 

and needless to say, this summer hasn't started out so amazing as i had hoped. it did at first, but now that a month has gone by, i am starting to question it.

so i am officially going to start this thing. 

summer has started beautifully, with the exception of the fact that i had to return to evansville for a week to take care of my grandma with her kidney problems until my mom could come down and take care of her. thankfully my uncle is coming out from denver to help out as well. 

things didn't work out with ricky, but we're still friends. i suppose we never were back together and we went on with this friends with benefits thing. whatever, it's stupid. i just want to stay friends so when i go to see the band things aren't weird between us or anyone.

i'm talking to this other boy, lucas. i've known lucas since i was in the 8th grade, so about six years or so now. we've always been friends, but never super close to where this would be awkward if we ever dated. a week ago my friend jake told us since we were both his best friends and we've had really shitty relationship pasts, we should date each other. well, we've been talking and we're not going to do anything right now, but that's ok. at least i'm talking to someone. 

i'm glad i'm getting to spend more time with jory, chris and danny...even though i've hung out with them about the same as i would if i lived in evansville, but just whenever i want. if that makes any sense at all.